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I wish I was married because then I would be with someone for life hopefullysettled down and not having to remain on this fucked-up, soul-destroying dating game trying to find the shittiest and best thing in the world—love.

It is not in human nature to want to be single and alone. No one wants to be alone like every female in this goddamn world I have made so many fatal mistakes while looking for love. And for some odd reason, I seem to attract every man in this world who is going to shit wangs me one way or another.

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Should I not have worn red lipstick? Were the Ann Summers crotchless knickers too much?

Should I not have spoken about my mentally ill aunt so much? What all went so wrong and left it cascading down into a big massive shit heap of heartbreak and lost love? Many spend their lives devoted to finding the cure for illnesses and world famine—I, however, have been desperately searching for the cure for heartbreak since that year-old wanker ripped my heart into No one wants to be alone and left me for the auburn-haired tart ge our math class.

I have tried every possible solution to overcome the great pain and emotion you feel when you get dumped: However, the conclusion I came to—in all of the tears, in No one wants to be alone of the waking up passed out on my kitchen floor, in all of the money wasted frivolously on post-breakup nights out and overpriced dresses and shoes I bought to try and fell the void some useless wanker had left in me—was that the only person who can help me move on was in fact me.

The art of moving on is in realizing your own worth and value.

The fact that one No one wants to be alone no longer wants you determines absolutely nothing. Because one cunt of a man with a very below-average-sized penis, below-average income, and very above-average ego has decided that he has used your vagina too many times and now wants to spread his gene pool elsewhere does not mean No one wants to be alone Mature women in Waukesha Wisconsin life is over and that no other man is going to ever want to breed with you and create lots of wonderful babies.

You are a goddess, and you deserve to be taken to Browns for cocktails and the Coal Shed for steak and to be bought new lipstick wanhs day in MAC.

And that is the art of moving the fuck on…even though no one wants to be single, least of all me. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time.

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